C is for Courage and D is for Determination
“If one has courage, nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”~Maya Angelou
Courage is defined as the ability to do something that frightens you or having strength in the face of pain or grief. Displaying courage isn’t always a display of bravado or heroic feats. Courage is displayed everyday by real people: the entrepreneur starting up a business in uncertain times, a student presenting a class project who has a fear of public speaking, a shy child who has moved to a new school, a mother re-entering the workforce, a college grad attending interviews, a mom balancing the demands of motherhood, home & work, the dad whose company has down-sized during a pandemic, a loved one facing a scary diagnosis, the child who practiced so hard, but didn’t make the team.
For 19 months, my mother displayed great courage in the face of uncertainty as she battled brain cancer. The disease impaired her motor skills, ability to walk, and eventually to swallow, and eat. It was a weary time filled with months of chemo treatments, hospital stays, several bouts of pneumonia, and many rounds of radiation. She showed tremendous courage.
I prayed (and continue to pray) daily for strength and courage. I had to reconcile that my mother’s time was approaching and what life would be like when she was gone. She was only 71 and passed away in August. Journaling, reading, praying, and conversations with loving, supportive people was part of my path to finding courage, grieving, and now -the process of healing. I have found the courage and determination to stretch myself into a realm of creativity and vulnerability.
Brene’ Brown, author and leading social science researcher on courage and vulnerability, defines courage as the act of recognizing the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about our experiences both good and bad. She defines “ordinary courage” as an act of speaking from our heart and putting our vulnerability on the line. “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you can’t choose both. Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” (By writing this blog and children’s book, I am choosing courage over fear, determination over passivity, and vulnerability to be creative and put myself “out there”.)
In my children’s book, A-Z for Me!, C is for Courage speaks to people of ALL of ages. I find myself reading and re-reading this passage many times. “Challenge yourself even if it feels scary-EVERYONE is afraid sometimes! Trying something new may not turn out the way you hoped and that’s OK. You learned from your experience. Believe in yourself. Be brave, be courageous, and never give up!”
Determination is defined as firmness of purpose and resoluteness. To encourage determination and courage in your children, parents should praise your child’s effort more than the accomplishment. Let your child fail (as hard as that is to do). Failure is an opportunity to grow. Coach your child on how/what to do the next time. Resist the urge to take over or fix it for them. Start with small goals to build confidence. Set reasonable expectations, plan ahead, and find the lessons in all circumstances. Be patient while you instill Growth Mindset Learning and watch your child flourish.
“I have a Growth Mindset. I am in charge of how smart I am because I can Grow my Brain like a muscle by learning hard things. I can achieve anything with effort and right strategies. And when I fail or make a mistake, it is a Great thing because I can Learn from them and I Get Better!” By: Big Life Journal
In my book, I write, “Being determined means having a goal and working hard to meet your goal. Learning to swim, play an instrument, or hitting a homerun takes determination. Your success will not happen overnight. Determination is patience, persistence, and positive thinking. It means you try AGAIN, AGAIN, and AGAIN! Failing happens. You may feel disappointed, frustrated and afraid to keep trying. Write down your goals and imagine yourself succeeding. What does it feel like when you visualize your success? Be determined and all your hard work will pay off! When have YOU shown determination?”